The new fitness craze!

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Today I had an epiphany. Just as yoga’s getting old, I found the replacement fitness regimen, sure to capture the exercise-minded public’s imagination.

Are you ready for this?

Drumroll, please.

It’s bullraking!

What’s bullraking? Well, I’m glad you asked.

A recreational rake from Ribb Rakes

Clams bury themselves in the sand, usually between about two and five inches deep. To get them out, you use a rake with very long tines and a basket. You plunge the tines into the ground and drag the rake through the sand so the tines uproot the clams, sending them into the basket.

While recreational clammers use small rakes with simple wooden handles, professionals (!) have more substantial equipment. Although we won’t be growing clams, there are clams on the one-acre plot we’ll be using for oysters. Before we put the oysters down, we have to get the clams up.

That’s where the bullrake comes in.

A bullrake from Ribb Rakes

A bullrake is a giant clam rake that you chain to your body with a harness that’s slung around your hips. Facing the rake, you use your arms to work it into the sand, and your legs and core to slowly walk backward as you pull the rake through the sea bottom.

Shoulders! Pecs! Glutes! Hamstrings! Quads! The whole body’s involved, and it’s aerobic to boot.

Raking clams with a bullrake is a back-breaking body-building workout. It’s labor exercise with the mind-numbing spirit-calming monotony Zen of a brutal vigorous repetitive holistic motion.

A sneak preview

Be ahead of the curve! For the unheard-of price of a mere $50., you can learn bullraking with Tamar and Kevin. You’ll spend an hour in Barnstable’s scenic West Bay, conditioning every muscle in your body against a backdrop of crystal clear water, beautiful homes, and passing sailboats. We provide equipment, personalized instruction, and inspirational encouragement.

It’s easy to master, and we’ll have you toiling cursing sweating drowning getting in the best shape of your life in no time!

This is a limited-time offer, as we only have 40,000 square feet to rake, and an hour’s raking can clear about a hundred square feet. That means there are only 400 slots, so act now!

Bonus: a boat ride, and all the clams you can eat!

So who’s in?

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Comments

  1. Wait? So you pay me $50 bucks…and I get to keep the clams!?
    (grin). Sounds like a bargain! You’re a regular pitchman!

    I’m game if my hubby lends me his waders!
    B

  2. Only if I get a beer with that meal.

  3. martha in mobile says:

    Wow! What an amazing deal! Maybe you’ll let me paint your fence afterwards?

  4. Next time you update your resume, under ‘other skills’ I’m begging you to include “recreational clam raking instructor”.

    I can’t believe there’s a tedious and potentially crippling task out there that I’m not doing already. Count me in.

    – Marquis de Jen

  5. ..actually, I think that would make me a masochist not a sadist…ignore the misplaced reference.

  6. Really found your descriptions hilarious. Well done you. How are your abs now?

  7. I’m way better at white washing fences.

  8. Oh if only I were 30 years younger and 3,000 miles closer! Sagebrush, mountain views and microbrews we have here in Bend; clams? No. Dammit.

  9. I agree with Brooke, does it come with an icy cold beer? Actually, in a weird sort of way, it looks like tons of fun and the reward is even greater! LOVE IT!

  10. Tamar’s new nickname: the Situation?
    Fortunately, I broke my leg, so I’ll have to pass on this tempting offer.

  11. Uh…I think I hear my mommy calling me….

  12. Oh, to live closer! I would pay to help out. Just to be on – in! – water again. Ah well, I”m happy enough with planning a sugaring off trip back to Quebec in the spring. I’ll have to enjoy clam raking vicariously.