The long March

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Spring starts in four days. I’m not sure I’m going to make it.

I now understand why New England is populated with hardy New England stock. In a population shift dating back to the Pilgrims, all the sissies took to the hills after their first February up here. What was left were the people who were willing to put their underwear on in October and take it off in April.

I’m beginning to see the merit of that system. In the dead of winter, when the temperature outside is in single digits and the temperature inside is hovering around brisk, it’s hard to muster the courage to take a shower – or engage in any other activity that involves removing your base layer. And so I’ve noticed that the lacy little La Perla confections have migrated to the back of my underwear drawer, displaced by more practical options. You know the thrill is gone when you choose underwear that keeps you warm and doesn’t show the dirt.

(Luckily, the same landscape that keeps us clothed all winter works in reverse in the summer, when we can skinny-dip in perfect privacy. Unless our neighbors have very powerful binoculars. Like we do.)

A UIP (unidentified inedible plant)

A UIP (unidentified inedible plant)

Fortunately, there are signs that that winter’s giving up the ghost. It’s only mid-March, but there are a few lonely sprigs of greenery poking up through last year’s leaves, and they inspired me to pick up a classic in the annals of living off the land: Stalking the Wild Asparagus, by Euell Gibbons.

Gibbons stretches the limits of edibility to their breaking point, including plant foods that have to be boiled for hours before they’re palatable (acorns), used in very small quantities (cattail flour), or are simply not appreciated by the “average palate” (sassafras paste). But he includes many more promising choices (huckleberries! wild leeks!), and even a couple of things that might be coming up in mid-March.

Another UIP

Another UIP

Which is why I spent this morning walking our two acres looking for green things to eat, hoping to stumble on some winter cress or early dandelions. I figured that, on two whole acres, I ought to be able to find one lousy edible plant (other than the ubiquitous wintergreen, which I have used with decidedly uninspiring results).

An hour later, I went back inside empty-handed. We have pricker bushes and scraggly pines in abundance but, as far as I could tell, the only edible plants on the entire property were in the refrigerator. I decided to expand my search to a local conservation area, and I donned running gear to do a lap or two around Eagle Pond, in Cotuit (I’m slow enough to forage while I run). Unfortunately, the terrain at Eagle Pond is remarkably similar to the terrain at our house, and I didn’t do any better. I should have gone for a run in Florida, or maybe Tahiti.

Edible!

Edible!

My only success came when I dropped off some clams for my friend Linda. She’d been scouting for me, and had found chives, sorrel, and Johnny jump-ups (an edible flower) growing in her yard, which gave me acute yard envy, but also something to put in my salad. She alerted me to the presence of more chives at a beach in Osterville, and I collected some of those, too. Linda is clearly better at this than I am.

Later in the day, though, I discovered that my hours in the woods hadn’t been completely fruitless. As I wrote up my foraging failures, two sesame-seed-sized ticks crawled out of my jacket. That meant that Kevin had to do an all-over tick check. And that meant that I had to take off my underwear. But it’s almost April, so I guess it’s OK.

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Comments

  1. beachnitpicker says:

    So where’s the picture of Kevin doing the all-over tick check? I don’t think you appreciate how much soft porn could increase the traffic on your blog.

  2. Living Off the Farmers' Market in CA says:

    Tamar, damn you’re funny! What a concept….I love that you’re able to find chives in your area. Growing up in North Dakota, my mom was always excited to see the hardy chive plants coming back to life each spring. Scrambled eggs with chives is comfort food for me that says, “Yes, Amy, the snow will totally melt and warm weather will once again grace this forsaken landscape.” Amy =)

  3. marilynbaker says:

    I can remember my sister-in-law picking ticks, etc. out of her dog’s hair every night at their ranch. And that was the highlight of the evening’s entertainment. Does Kevin do this for you too?

  4. Interesting that my readers have such a prurient interest in Kevin’s tick checks.

  5. Pegggggy says:

    Ticks are just interesting! Brad Paisley has a song called “ticks” with the unforgettable line (picture a drawl) “I want to check you.. for ticks”.

    There was also a sort of funny email circulating warning you about a guy coming around saying he’d do a free tick check but be warned that he just wants to see you naked. And it ended with “I wish I’d heard this yesterday, I feel so embarrassed”.

    The grass on the trails where my friends and I run in the morning is starting to get long now, but no ticks found yet. I’ll be sure “George” checks closely. 🙂

  6. Bake-Off Buddy says:

    OK- while you were out foraging for herbs and other edible plants, I was back in your ol’ neck of the woods-
    New York City! (this is being “said” like on the old salsa commercial) I spoke to lots of magazine editors and heard some feedback that I think in your quest for edible plants- you will either appreciate or despise . . . The feedback was – how come all the fresh herbs come in such large quantities? Too much parsley; too much rosemary!; the mint bunch is too large,. . . I just need a small portion and the rest goes to waste.
    Now that I have read starving off the land, I see that I should have told her, “Girl, you try finding the herbs and picking them yourself!” (not exactly a key message in my role) I bet then she would be less apt to complain about them being to plentiful! ; )
    Let me know if you find any fresh mint this spring . . . I am getting ready for my 2nd annual Derby party based on Bake-Off learnings!!
    I am proud of you and how could YOU look fat?!

  7. Funny you should mention the herb quantity problem. I’ve groused about it many a time. One of the joys of our garden last summer was being able to walk outside and clip just as much basil, oregano, or sage as I needed.

    Or mint! Yes, I will have mint. And it should be good to go by the time the Derby rolls around. So just say the word if you need it.

    For those of you who didn’t cover last year’s Pillsbury Bake-Off, the previous comment will make sense to you once I explain that the Doughboy plied us with bourbon and then convinced us that throwing a party where adults wear silly hats and drink for hours before watching a race that lasts two minutes is a good idea. Hence Bake-Off Buddy’s annual Derby party. For which I will provide the mint.